Kyushu Sightseeing: An unexpected sidequest part 4

 

Poking around Kyushu, the Europe of Japan.

I needed one more day before my ankle was ready for a full workload, so I decided to spend the day on the train, with various short stops at scenic areas of Kyushu. First stop was Mount Aso. Back in the day this volcano made Mt. Fuji look like a zit, until an epic explosion created a caldera measured not in acres, but in SQUARE MILES. The volcano floor is now verdant farmland, and the area has a vaguely Swiss alpine feel to it, a la the opening scene of Sound of Music. They even have a dairy or two up there, which produces the fluffiest, creamiest vanilla ice cream Ive ever tasted. So chalk that up as a win.

I wanted to go to Amakusa, the site of Japans most famous Christian uprising/massacre, but it turns out that its like 100km away! You cant even take the train there: you gotta get off the train, then get on a bus, then get on a boat. Screw that, I'll check it out next time. Instead, I decided to revisit a place I swore I would never step foot on again: the thoroughly bizarre themed place Huis Ten Bosch.

Isn't that supposed to say theme park? Yes it should. But Huis Ten Bosch, except for a Ferris wheel, doesn't really have rides. Thus themed place. That theme you ask? THE NETHERLANDS!!! Yes, that's right! You see, the Japanese and the Dutch have a long relationship. The Dutch introduced Catholicism to Japan, which ended rather poorly when the Tokugawa shogunate outlawed Christianity and made it punishable by death. (Lol joke is on the Shogunate- Japanese Catholics just disguised the Virgin Mary as the female Boddhisatva Kwan Yin and continued practicing Christianity underground for the next 300 years!) But even after Japan closed itself from the rest of the world, Dutch traders were still allowed to peddle their wares in the Nagasaki area. Inspired by this history, some Japanese entrepreneurs in the 1990s decided to create a simulated Netherlands in Southern Japan, complete with tulips and windmills. You see, back in the day the Japanese were rather insular, so Huis Ten Bosch could be like a European getaway without having to leave the comforts of home. Unfortunately two things happened. First, the Japanese economic meltdown of the 90s erased most people's spending money. Second, Japanese people have become a lot more adventurous since last century. Why go to the fake Netherlands when you could go to the real thing? The park declared bankruptcy in 2003, and ever since then has just sort of limped along.

I was there in 2005 as part of an Army Band mini tour. We were gonna be the random entertainment at the park, a la Disneyland. That's where your tax dollars are going, people. There was almost no one at the park, and I almost starved to death because they served fish for breakfast. Yecchh. In ten years, had anything changed?

Nope! It was still the slow trickle of curious tourists going in the park, and confused tourists walking out. The loud speakers were blasting some concert band arrangement of River Stay Way From My Door, which brought back traumatic memories of listening to a Spike Jones cassette on 10 hour minivan car trips in my youth, so that was strike 1. Strike 2 was the other song they played over and over, some weird dramatic overture music straight from the opening credits of some 60s epic starring Charleton Heston. Different loudspeakers started the song at different places, and the resulting discordant cacophany would give Rob Zombie waking nightmares. Strike 3, to get in the park was 50 bucks. I didn't even stay 30 minutes. I bought some ice cream and got the hell out of there. Huis Ten Bosch, the answer to a question that nobody asked.

Finally, I checked out Nagasaki. I've visited the Hiroshima atomic bomb museum like 4 times, so I decided to skip the Nagasaki version. I figure I've satisfied my American A-Bomb guilt quota already. Instead, I checked out the various Christian sights around the city, including the monument to the 26 Catholic Martyrs of Japan! Maybe that's the prequel to 13 Assassins. There's a church that has Japanese language services 7 days a week! You can't understand what the hell they're saying, so its like the Latin Mass! Man, my in-laws would love this place. I bought some cool Nagasaki Christian Hello Kitty souvenirs, then made my way back to Auntie Emiko's house.

My ankle is feeling good, which means its time to finish up the quest. The ferry leaves tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.